Friday November 13, 2015

1. Dog Poo
Really gross, sorry. Really Monday, sorry. So I thought I stepped in dog poop TWICE today on my way to work. And I am usually really on my shit about where I step (pun SO intended). It all began, this fine crispy Monday morning, when I proudly strutted my I’m-leaving-the-building-I’m-going-out-the-front-door-strut with my fingers bent in some decrepit origami shapes like I’ve just scraped out the innards of a pumpkin, balancing three small garbage bags, some old magazines + a few odd bottles to the recycling and garbage pails in the garbage dungeon under my stoop. After releasing the funky bunch into their respected pails, I proceeded to climb back up the cement mountain, whereupon I spotted a fresh poop on the ground, and walked around it. Two Abuelos sitting on chairs and a, “good morning” later, that fresh dog poo stank just like, came right into my scent zone. Did a couple heel-to-butt-checks to investigate, finding nothing on my shoes. So that means, someone had a seriously debaucherous weekend indulging in some human meals allowing said poo fumes to cling onto my tiny nose hairs all the way to the train SO INTENSELY, that I really was second guessing if I had or had not avoided the poop.

2. Shampoo in My Eyeball
Does anyone else when they get shampoo in their eye think, “When was the last time I did THAT?!” And then try to recall when said last time was? I do. And jeezis, did I get one lob of shampoo so seriously in my eyeball last night. It was as if I’d never washed my hair before. Face into the falling water, rubbing my eyeball into stars and spots, I am pretty sure the last time I got shampoo in my eyeball was Hayley Grassetti age 8 in the locker room after swim practice, testing the claimed USP of l’Oreal Kids *tear free* shampoo. So there’s me, washing my hair and deliberately pushing those suds from my mane down my brow to strategically slide into the little crooks of my eyeballs for the sake of proving to my fellow fishes the product’s fault, and to spite that too fun looking commercial and beautiful packaging.

3. Christine + Marina
Saw Marina + The Diamonds and my other current musical obsession opened for her: Christine + The Queens. These two are running shit, and I love everything. I feel so happy, so inspired, so into living that I don’t even know what to do with myself other than live! And love! I feel so wiggly and excited, what do I even do with all this energy!

4. Big Friday Meetings.
Ahhhhhh, make for absolutely the longest week ever, but are the most epic setup to a weekend known to moi. All things tedious and a little stressful are forgiven as 10AM Friday rolls around and there’s a fancy yogurt parfait with my name on it on the craft table outside the conference room. That and a bowl of macerated berries. HELLO! Better than breakfast is the insane lunch that no meeting attendee touches ever. Why?? Don't caaaaare! Ask me how many slices of medium rare steak I had for lunch.

5. Tequila. (related)
The first thing I took to my face after the longest week ever. That’s it. #BYE



Friday November 6, 2015

1. The Keg in the Tub
The annual Halloween party that be! The keg in the tub in Williamsburg! Pretty much a bunch of art directors, copywriters, and designers get dressed up hang out, pump a keg without biceps and pour Bug Light all night and dance wildly to Whitney Houston. Then, at some point, the Jello shots come out. What we learned this year: don’t mix Gin with Grape flavored Jello.

2. Texting
How about we don’t...????

3. Day 10 at the Office
It’s that time of year! When we gotta work a lot and make shit! Get work done! I’ve been at the office every day since Monday, the Monday before this past Monday that is. Don't even wanna talk about the laundry sitch.

4. I'm going Crazy (related)
I’m really tired and I feel insane. Mywordsarerunningtogether. And I’m dropping things a lot. All the eye bag hider in the world can’t help me.

5. Swing Drivers on Garbage Trucks
This is what FREEDOM looks like! Hello, weekend! Two guys having the best time ever on the back of a garbage truck bombing down Ninth Ave. Incredible. This moment is exactly what led to what I’d thought would be the best job ever in the third grade. Detailed in a morning theme on future jobs, (remember doing that shit in school? Learning how t
o write? Out the window!) I wanted to be a swing driver on a garbage truck because it just looked so so fun. Like what? Hanging off that thing all day? Closest thing to a roller coaster you can get in the woods! The only flaw I’d spotted with the job was the orange jumpsuits you had to wear. Aside from the smell of gar-bage obv.



Friday October 30, 2015

1. VO's @ Work
Doing scratch voice overs at work are way too fun. Like, so too much fun. What an amazing little way to start the week. Pretending to be someone else in an intensely soundproof booth. Yessss. I have too much fun just talking. Can I just get paid to talk? Yes, please! “Cherry lip gloss!” “Eyelashes!” “Seriously? We gotta go!”

2. Properly Setting Up My Sewing Machine
Whoa. So, I learned something pretty incredible. I can work a sewing machine now. I’ve had this sitting under my desk for exactly a year now, and just took it out tonight to make a skirt for Halloweenie! Me the entire year owning the sewing machine: “I know how to use this thing. It’s fine.” Me when I finally took it out of its bag to use it: “The fuck am I doing?” So, I pulled out the manual and figured it out. Threading the bobbin was the biggest pain in the ass. So I sat and fucked that up a few times, then called my mom for troubleshooting, then nailed it while talking with Dad about how Mom was in bed already. Learning by doing! Love it. So. Prrrouuuuud!

3. The Bobbin (related)
This thing is such a bitch. Like, I am sewing along just fine, and then all the thread gets all tangly in itself and I’m sitting there, with 18 feet of white jersey draped over my shoulder looped around my neck like one SERIOUS scarf, cursing and singing at the same time. I’m just trying to craft this fine jersey into one long white boa constrictor for Halloweenie because, as you do not know, I am being an ice cream cone. I rethreaded, or whatever it’s called, that bobbin like FOUR TIMES for the sake of being a life size edible. And, it was late. And, I was losing my patience. But, I did it because, Halloweenie.

4. Halloween Costume-ing (related to the second degree)
Yes, costume as a verb. I don’t think of myself as someone who takes Halloween so seriously, but I think I have actually been taking it quite seriously in the last few years. The thing is, I don’t want to have a crap Halloween costume, ever. So the pressure is so on myself, put there by myself, to have a very Instagram worthy costume. So, I’m working on paper mache-ing this little cherry to wear atop my head, because yes, I am an ice cream cone for Halloween. Vanilla. Soft serve. Rainbow sprinks!

5. Ordering Dinner to the Office: Mexican Edition
Working late: No, thanks. Dinner on company because I’m working late: Yes, please. This is the true high point of working late– hitting up Seamless. Tonight, I ordered Mexican. Choza Taqueria. What did I order? you did not ask. Well, I ordered a chicken bowl. Plus cheese. Plus sour cream. With a side of chippies and guac. And, a lovely, lovely, oh so lovely bebida that be: Horchata. Hay, Vampire Weekend!



Friday October 23, 2015

1. Diorshow Catwalk Blue Mascara AKA Orig #258/ MY JAM!
Not that you knew, but Dior changed the formula of the so beloved by me Catwalk blue #258 that be. Basically, I have been wearing it every day I’ve walked the planet since September 12 2010. That’s 5 years of my life, peeps. Blessed was I the day I pranced into Sephora to restock, to which I noticed the color was so not right. Much more muted than desired, barf. I need that ELECTRIC blue, people! ANYWAY. This was the week where a supply that I bought from a seller on Amazon arrived. That’s right. I sniped up their entire inventory. WHAT! That means I’m good to go for like, 2 years AND have 2 years to continue emailing Dior until they bring it back. *punch emoji*

2. A Date
Hello, I am an adult as I go on a date and act as if I’ve never had words come from my mouth before. You know when you are not yourself for like, 5 sec? That was me for about 25 min. Mmm, yes. DATES!!!! FUN!

3. Charcuterie (related)
This word is just so much fun to say. Chaaarrrrcuuuteriiiie. Charcuterie. Char-cu-ter-riiiie. When I see it, I love it. When I see. it I order it. When I get it, I eat it. When I see it I think of my dear friend Suzanne! First person I ever heard say the word. Hi Suz! <3

4. Chvrches New Album
I have been listening to this album on repeat for the entire week, actually I am pretty sure it’s been since the album has come out. ACTUALLY, that’s actually a lie, because all last week I was listening to the new Carly Rae Jepsen album, which is just so amazing to my ears. Loving that synth!

5. OK. My new shoes. THEY'RE GLITTER.
Very necessary to write about the actual crescendo of my week that was, in fact, TODAY, FRIDAY. Today was seriously actually the highest high point ever– fresh sparkly, silver, glittery pair of ankle booties. All I can say, is that acquiring this pair of shoes gave me that feeling you get when you put on something new that has you feeling EVEN MORE yourself simply by wearing it. Like, I feel 3 feet (actually, technically, 2 feet #dadjokes #badjokes) closer to knowing myself after putting these hotties on. I had a fantastic time sporting them, and there was no shortage of people spouting their comments at me. Ah the general public. No, I did not hate it, just check out this material:

“Aaw yeah, happy Friday party girl!”

“Are those baked potatoes or are those your feet?”

“What’s going on there, silver boots?”

“Lil twinkle toes!”

“Look at those mother fuckin moon boots.”

“Are those your feet or your grandmother’s tv antenna?”